it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
