'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
