I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
