I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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