I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my mouth tastes like poor choices
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
