It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
