i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
