you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
