he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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