hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
