My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Someone came in the potted fern
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
