i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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