Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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