they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
