i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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