Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
