My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
