i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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