if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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