Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
