it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
