I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
