it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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