Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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