ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
