He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
