i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
