I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
