I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
