If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
