Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
