Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
