I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i love accidental penises.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
