When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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