that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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