I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
