Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
