yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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