she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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