My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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