I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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