Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
