she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
