If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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