well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
that is very illegal...i love you.
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