Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
