i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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