Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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