I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
