so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
