so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
