i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
